I'm afraid of being here
The time has come, to wipe away the tears
And now I live the fear
That's been with me, throughout the fucking years
It's time to take the pain
I won't make all those damn mistakes again
It's time to take the fall
It's time to take the blame, I need to fall
On you,
Fall into your arms,
Carry me through,
Hold me up, don't let me fall
And I will save you
I want to wake up
And realize enough
Is what's been here
Staring at me coldly all along
I want to see you
And all that you see through
It's a shame when I think of
How I've hurt you, and it's time to
Fall into you
Fall into your arms
Hold me up, ca
From the very first moment
The very first day
I was awed at your presence,
awed into dismay
For how could I
Being what I am
Hope to ever fly
Or hold your hand
I loved you
I knew you were mine
I knew it was you
It was all just fine
You were mine
Now I see you
And I look at you just the same
I'm still awed when I'm near you
I can always hear your name
And I can feel you, near me
Hear your voice inside my head
I want to know you, I want to see
I want to stay with you, just like you said
An eclipse, of disease
runs through me, cutting deep
Annihilated, running free
can't stop the demon, destroying me . . .
Fighting, fighting - destroying God
eternal hatred, a ruined life
subliminal murder, a hidden lie
we can't decide, what's real for ourselves . .
Is Satan pretending, is God a disease
Can't stop my disciples, from worshipping me
A threatening race now, destroying the pleas
I just can't stop Satan, from worshipping me
Whatever I'm saying, you wouldn't agree
We th
Darkness opressively covers afar
No light at all
Darkness Discovered
Now covers the scar
It's too dark to fall
Too dark to crawl
So dark, I can't see at all
I'm afraid to knaw
Too proud to crawl
So I take the fall
Falling deeper, into myself
Fuck this, life is neverending
Disgusting hate, hate the sending
Time itself, returns upon me
Destroying everything I thought was real
Fuck hate, hate the fucking
If you're not wanted, then find somewhere else
When everything, seems to want me
I want to be everwhere else
Living in a place, Sintasia
Hate really is the only face
Drowning air, eclipsing faces
Sun's light is no longer here
Shadows fall, mother fuck
I've dreamed, closing my eyes
What a fantasy, what a reality
Who's got an answer, for what it means
Who tells us what to dream?
Fuck this life, I'll live my own
Fantasy's the only world I've known
Far off plains, lives of power
Fighting for the gods I don't believe in
Evil has found it's place
As I found hope, looking into glass
Fuck this reality, fuck abnormality
Who gives a shit if your life's fucked up
Why would changing it make you happy
Erase the scars and you are a nothing
Rotting little children answer satan
Living their lives, they serve a disease
Rapists have found the key to forgiveness
Organized religion can't be
Alone, Darkness
Living in a time long forgotten
Living a life, alone
what disease I've been smitten
to deserve this pain reborn
Dying of something
I didn't know I had
Living a reminder
A fantasyland
Fantasy of a newborn fetus
Just to live and be alive
I can only just repeat this
Living in this newfound lie
What did the dying, ever ask Who gave them a second chance
All I ask if for a moment
All I get is infantismile times
Just give up
Take the fall
just give up
give it all
all your living is a fantasy
of what you know ought to be
It's down to this, I've got to make this life make sense, can anyone tell what I've done?
I missed the life, I missed the colors of the world, can anyone tell where I am?
Cause now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down
Away from the sun again
I'm over this, I'm tired of living in the dark, can anyone see me down here?
The feeling's gone, there's nothing left to lift me up, back into the world I know
Cause now again I've found myself so far down
Away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down
Away from the sun
That sh
Current Residence: In a foxhole Favourite genre of music: Hard or Death Metal, Industrial Favourite photographer: Sihn Favourite style of art: realistic/remade, dark gothic Operating System: Any comp I can find MP3 player of choice: My computer Shell of choice: Mr. Crabs Wallpaper of choice: Black Skin of choice: yours on my body Favourite cartoon character: Myself Personal Quote: "You say envy the country with heroes, I say pity the country that needs them"
Favourite Visual Artist
Myself
Favourite Movies
Identity
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
The Coil Of Sihn, Maralyn Manson, Slipknot
Favourite Writers
Stephen King
Favourite Games
Hiding is fun . . . now someone's seeking, only time will tell when I'll be found
Listening To: Creed Higher
Mood: Reflective
I don't even want to be awake right now. I feel like such a wate of space. Why do I have to feel like this again?? I feel like the useless piece of food that someone didn't want to eat because it looked funny. But hey, what can I say, I probably deserve it.
I'm just going to waste my life away fighting for a country that I don't even believe in. I'll probably be a victim of a misplaced bullet from one of my own men or something. It would serve me right.
John and my mom seem to have something special, that makes me happy in a way. I wish I had someone like my mom. She's the one reason I even
Well that was a night I won't soon forget. Jesus Christ, too much alcahol can be a bitch. We had Bacardi Superior last night, a whole 2 liters of it. We were mixing with coke, which was a good mix, unless you have more alcahol than coke in the mix.
Needless to say, I was pretty fucked up trying to type while Kyle was puking his guts out and confessing his soul, gary was talking to Lindsay on the phone and couldn't make up his mind what to do and then there was Zach who was just stumbling around not having any clue what was going on. It was a good celebration party.
Tonight however, we are going to be tearing all the equipment down for
. . . life is getting even crazier, I'm officially into the marines now. It's really strange to think that I've made it this far. Never thought I'd see that day. John and my mom are really proud of my decision to do so, and that makes me feel really good. Unlike my dick of a father who will barely even talk to me because he hates what I've done with my life.
I got my MOS (job) locked on now, and my date for leaving. My job is Vehicular Mechanic, and my date is June 13'th, 2005. I'll be leaving for boot camp, or basic training, whichever you want to call it. I'm slowly getting in shape.
Anyways, looking forward to playing out in my firs